Out with 2012 and not a moment too soon

So another year comes to a close.  We're kind of over the financial cliff, although they are making a show of voting after midnight.  Must be hell to actually do the job you are being paid for one whole day of the year.  But I digress....


Although most of the year was fine it didn't finish well.  Not being 21 anymore, this old body is letting me know it needs a bit more care than in the days of my youth.  It's a little embarrassing to spending time having physical therapy because you had your mouse in the wrong spot.  No, not a rodent, the computer mouse.

I went to my Nurse Practitioner and complained of this gnarly shoulder pain.  She manipulates it a bit and orders an X-ray.  She originally thought it was a calcified tendonitis that a steroid injection might help.  The X-ray was negative so plan B was physical therapy.  OK.  I was good with that.  The physical therapist manipulates my shoulder, listens to the symptoms and when they occur and he says it sounds like a rotator cuff capsule issue.  When I asked what might cause this he asked a few more questions and explained that my shoulder was not being allowed to rest in an anatomically correct position.  ???  Then the light came on in my brain. "Could having a computer mouse too high do this?"  Oh yes says the physical therapist.  So now I have a mouse shoulder.  Great.

The physical therapist doesn't waste any time and gives me a list of exercises to start and says he wants to see me twice a week.  I schedule the next appointment day after next.  The next session goes well and he shows me new exercises and new stretches.  Great, I'm on the road to recovery.

Not so fast says my old rickety body.  By the evening, my lower back goes into spasm.   The I-can't-stand-up-straight type of a spasm.  This is not the first time I've done this, so I know what to do.  Salon Pas, ibuprofen, heating pad and sleep with my legs up on four pillows to keep the small of my back flat.  Not so fast says my rickety old body. My shoulder is sore from the physical therapy and just to stir the pot a little, my sinuses have gone into overdrive in mucus production.  So here is the scene:  I'm laying on my back in bed, Salon Pas, heating pad and legs up for my back.  My shoulder has Salon Pas with that arm being supported by a pillow.  I can't have my head down flat because of the post nasal drip, so a couple of pillows under my head.  I have tissues and cough drops on the bed.  I have cough syrup and a glass of water on night stand.  Turn off the light and settle in.  Then I start to cough.  Pain shoots to my back.  I reach for the tissues and cough drops with the arm with the sore shoulder and pain shoots down my arm.  I finally stop coughing and I realize I have to pee.  Not so fast says my rickety old body.  It was then I told my rickety old body to shut the hell up.  I hobble to the bathroom do what I have to do and return to bed....this repeated three times does not equal a great night of rest.

So yes, I am ready to see this year end.  Laid off and laid up.  Neither of which is the laid I was asking for.  Note to self: be very careful and very specific when you ask for something.

Is it midnight yet?

It's just not Hogwarts without me

I slept with Harry Potter last night.  That shouldn't be possible given he is a fictional character, but you need more information: I slept with The Sorcerer's Stone on the DVD player.   I'm sure it seems odd that at the age of noneofyourbusiness I would be watching a Harry Potter movie.  You have to consider that I have spent my working hours not just in the real world, but a sometimes unbelievably brutally real world.  It has become important for my mental health (I do hear the laughing out there) to spend time away from reality.  Since I am not inclined to use drugs, am too lazy to meditate routinely, I either read or go into my DVD's.  To be clear, I was not AWAKE all night watching Harry Potter, but it was playing while I slept.  Now, about the dreams I have while the DVD's play....

My brain blends what I hear with what is bouncing around in my brain waiting to land somewhere.  Last night I was vanquishing Voldemort, while paying my bills and mowing my lawn.  A non linear mind while awake, is completely random during the sleep state.  What the hell does Voldemort have to do with me paying my bills and mowing my lawn?  Was Voldemort a symbol of the evil outside forces in my life making it difficult to live my life?    Was I worried about paying my bills now because of being unemployed?  Was mowing my lawn a representation of needing a hair cut?  I think the explanation is pretty simple:  a part of my brain works like a Whack-A-Mole game.  A thought pops up in one part of my brain only to be knocked down by another part of my brain.  At the end of the night, all of the Moles have been whacked.  In other words, I have been problem solving.

We all have ways of problem solving.  I have learned to appreciate the creative nature of problem solving.  I know people who problem solve by ignoring the problem.  If they don't acknowledge the problem, it does not exist.  Instead of I think therefore I am, it's you stink therefore you're gone.  I know people who whip out a white board and start listing different ways of solving the problem and potential deal breakers to each solution. I suspect I know people who throw darts at a board and whatever is hit is the answer.

Does the method matter as long as you are satisfied with the outcome?  I suspect not.  But all things considered, I'm going to stick with my method: it may not be any more efficient than any other method, but it sure is entertaining.

Growing up is optional

The advantage of being given an unexpected opportunity (getting laid off), is that you get to reinvent yourself.  At least that's what I'm going for. So what do I want to be when I grow up?  Hmmm, let me think. 

I've already crossed off the list:

1) Pole dancer.  That wouldn't work unless you could find an audience for people who want to see varicose veins, cellulite and age spots. Leisure World for the vision impaired?

2) Interpreter for the UN.  No go there either.  I am at least so far, hopelessly monolingual, and there is some question that I actually speak English.   

3) Rocket scientist.  If it weren't for the math this might be an option since my head is almost always in the clouds.  Since I am limited to the basic functions one can perform on their fingers, I'll have to pass on this one.

4) Gastroenterologist.  This might be an option since my head is always up my...well maybe not.

5) Fortune teller.  I can't figure what is happening while it is happening, so predicting or seeing the future probably won't work for me. I would have won the Lotto by now right?


What about things I might actually be able to do? I may consider:

1)  Nurse: An obvious choice.

2)  Organic gardener since I grow great tomatoes and chili peppers.  I'm sure I can grow something else too.

3)  Professional Patient Advocate.  I spend all my time advocating for patients in my life as a nurse.  Why not help patients get what they need?

4)  Potter.  Can't have enough pots and throwing is so therapeutic. Plus you can use clay for your facials when you aren't making pots.

5)  Standup comic for medical professionals.  Can't have enough jokes referencing bodily functions and fluids.  Ask my son how funny it is having a nurse for a mother...on second thought, don't ask him: he might tell the truth. 

So many choices, and nothing but time.  Life is good and it's getting better every day.

The Real World Comes to Say Hello

 A brief departure from humor today.  It won't happen often but it will happen occasionally.

So today was a tough day.  The good news is I got up and out the door by 0800.  The not so good news is the reason I was out the door was to receive my "packet".  The termination packet necessitated by the lay off.  The packet is a tall stack of papers that tell you what to expect in the next couple of months regarding your new status as an unemployed person.  Not in the emotional don't-worry-you'll-get-over-this way.  In the step A through Z way.  What to capture on your last time card, when you'll get your termination pay and the universal favorite, just how much COBRA costs.  Ouch.

The best part was feeling the warmth from the best team I have ever worked with.  There were tears, yes, and there were words of encouragement and affection as well.  This is the only place I have ever worked where everyone WANTED to be there.  If you didn't want to be there, you didn't stay.  Sounds odd to someone outside of medicine I suppose, but healthcare is different.  I've had more than one job that gave me a paycheck and paid some bills.  This is the only job that not only paid the bills, but left me feeling like what I did made a difference.  This is the only job I've had that when you left some task undone the next shift didn't slap you up the side of your head, they smiled and said they would take care of it.  And they meant it.  And you did the same for them.  I will miss them all.

Enough of the pity party.  Hugs to all, the best is yet to come.  I've made my list of possible new careers and will share them tomorrow.  I'm hoping my fellow worker bee's will also consider the possibilities.  What was the name of that old song from Timbuk3?  The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades?  Catch you on the flip side!  For now, I have to find the tissues.

And the Beat Goes On

So, of the many things I am learning about not having a job, time management is not something I thought would be a problem.  I'm very good about waking early, keeping my pattern of drinking coffee and checking the internet to see if the world ended while I was sleeping.  Now that I don't have to be out the door at 0630, I have discovered it is easy to spend a ridiculous amount of time on line.  I was more than just a little embarrassed to have the door bell ring at 1130 in the morning and be caught in my robe.  I did of course do the mature thing and pretend I wasn't home.  The only thing more embarrassing than being in your robe at 1130 is being CAUGHT in your robe at 1130.

My thought process at best is a non linear.  One could say I have an advanced case of Shiny Object Syndrome.  I start out looking at the various company job sites on line, then I see some advertisement and click on that.  One click leads to another, and then I forget what site I started out on and what the dickens I was doing to begin with.  The next thing you know the door bell rings and well, you get the picture.

So now I've figured out I need to make a list of the things I need to accomplish and cross them off.  Not a novel concept to most people, but completely alien to me.  Quite honestly, getting up and going to work took up a good amount of time.  Everything else I had to do just fit around it.  Now that looking for work is my new job, I'm going to have to give myself a little more structure.  So here is what I propose:  1) Get up by 0630 and drink some coffee.  2) After checking my list, cruise the jobs sites and check my email to see if there is any hint of interest in hiring me. 3) Take care of morning ablutions.  4) Spend an hour on Rosetta Stone (I just know I'm going to wake up speaking Spanish one day).

Got to go.  There are job sites to cruise, verbs to conjugate and trash to empty. Note to self: start list of what I want to be when I grow up.

The Unexpected Opportunity

A funny thing happened to me at work one day: I got laid off.  It wasn't anything personal, it was a business decision.  Lots of people got laid off the same day:  people I had worked with for my eight years there and people who had been there 20 years, and people who had just been hired.  It was an equal opportunity lay off.

It is of particular interest to me that I thought my job was safe.  I'm an RN with over 30 years experience.  I mean, nurses can always work right?  Another particularly interesting issue is the fact that I work, I mean worked, for a hospice.  Being a Baby Boomer, I happen to know there is an unending supply of candidates for hospice.  So why would there be a lay off?  Life is not simple, nor is medical care these days.  No, The Affordable Health Care Act had nothing to do with it.  The high cost of delivering high quality health care that no one else can deliver is the issue.  Although I suspect or maybe hope, the industry will catch up someday, that day is not today.

So where does the laughing come in?  If you knew me, you would know.  I happen to think that even the most serious situation could use a little laugh in there somewhere.  This was not a conscious choice, it was a pattern I followed starting many many years ago as a young nurse; pointing out the absurdities of situations, stating the obvious that everyone else was too polite to mention and of course the well timed one liner.  Nothing like a laugh to give the old endorphins a boost.  I didn't set out to do these things, I have impulse control issues.  Once a thought pops into my head, it usually pops out of my mouth.  Sometimes this is a curse, and sometimes it's a blessing.

So in my days of shock after the lay off notice, I was trying to figure out what my next move, my next job, my next reincarnation would be.  I don't know yet, but why don't you come along for the ride?  You never know what I may say next.