Forget the money, follow the shoes

If I lived in the world's largest house and you couldn't find me, all you'd have to do is follow the shoes.  As I scanned my house today, and it is really quite modest in size, I counted 11 and 1/2  pairs of shoes scattered hither and yon.  Now hither and yon must be elves of some sort distributing my shoes all over the house since I have no memory of how they got there.  They are piled in various rooms: some by the back door, some by my bed, some by my favorite chair in the living room and some in my office under my computer desk.

The scattered shoes are casual since that's all I'm wearing these days.  There are sport shoes, flip flops, Mary Jane's, flat cushy comfy shoes and one pair of boots.  They are all colors and they have all been slipped off in a hurry since even the laces remain tied. There are no clothes next to the shoes, although an occasional sock is observed.  Some of them are neatly paired to each other, but most look like they were kicked off on the run.

Now the shoes scattered about the house only represent about a fifth of the shoes I own.  My pretty shoes with various heel height, colors and bling are grouped up in my closet on assorted shelves, in boxes and in the case of boots, stacked on the closet floor propped so they can stand up.  I don't want to give you the impression I run out and buy shoes frequently because I don't.  I probably only buy shoes a couple times a year and those are usually for work.  I just hate to throw shoes away.  I have some shoes from so long ago I'd be embarrassed to say how long ago.  I can tell you some have gone out of style and come back in without ever having to leave the closet.

I suppose it doesn't make much sense to some of you, but shoes can tell the story of your life.  There are the work shoes which get replaced frequently because you wear them long and hard and they just don't last.  Then there are the shoes you only wear when you get dressed up and go out.  Fancy shoes have a pecking order of wear:  the really high heels only get worn when you want your legs to look long.  The middle height heels can be worn for lots of occasions but mostly going out to lunch or to a work event.  The shoes with the most bling are worn to impress other women.  You have to be a woman to understand that.  Most of the men I have known really don't care what the shoes look like as long as they don't delay your departure for dinner. Then there are the flip flops.  Flip flops are the state shoes of California, or at least they should be.  They come fancy, plain, high, low but they are always comfortable.  They are hated by Stacy on What Not to Wear, but the dear woman doesn't live in California so she is forgiven.

The good news is, these scattered shoes are not a safety issue.  The shoes manage to keep close to a wall, door, bed, chair rather than in the middle of the room.  They sit patiently waiting to either be put back on or picked up in a mad hurry because company is coming.  They never say anything although one occasionally sticks out a tongue. Oh, that reminds me: 11 and 1/2 pairs?  Where is that other shoe?