My junk mail is trying to tell me something

You know you are reaching a certain age when all your junk mail is geared towards your demise.  In the last month I have had 6 offers for life insurance.  AARP won't leave me alone and apparently won't stop until I have signed up.  Then there are the funeral packages.  Holy Cow!  Who knew there could possibly be THAT many funeral plans?

Now, I'm not trying to be fussy here, but how do they know how old I am?  Is there a data base that sales people have access to?  I have visions someone, somewhere is sitting at a computer and pushing a button for each name that pops up on the screen:  Joe Blow 1948 send the Senior Stuff (funeral, AARP, life insurance from Colonial Penn).  Sally Smith 1960, send the Younger Senior Stuff (AARP, long term health care insurance information, hormone replacement information).  Bob Burns 1970, send Middle Age Stuff (life insurance, disability insurance, hair replacement and gym membership information).  Tiffany Temperance 1980, send Adult Stuff (loan consolidation, online dating, gym membership, and on line college information for MBA).  Can't you just see this?

It would be foolish in this day and age of cyberspace to think there isn't a cornucopia of complied information about you floating around just waiting to be accessed by a sales person.  I personally think they are going about this all wrong.  I think they should mix it up a little.  Send some young adult information to a senior woman and make her day!  Hell, she'd probably buy whatever you want just because you confused her with a younger woman.  Send the senior man the information for the gym membership.  You could help him get inspired to get in better shape.

As a society, we categorize people based on age.  It's just how we are.  Once you are over 35, you are on that slope to funeral plans.  Heaven forbid someone 50 would want to go to college or learn a new language.  At 70, why wouldn't you want to do online dating (think how much driving after dark could be eliminated)?  A smart 20 year old might want information about IRA's.   I say forget about the stereo types, break the mold and damn the torpedo's!  Send everybody, everything and let them decide what age appropriate means for them.

A person's age is more than a number.  Some people are born are born old: they don't like change and never want to venture out of their comfort zone.  Some people are forever young:  they can't wait to wake up everyday and learn something new.  Most people are somewhere in the middle:  we have times when there aren't enough hours in the day to get all our adventures completed.  We also have days when it seems like an adventure to eat something new.  We are individuals and we want to be viewed that way.

Please stop sending me prepaid funeral plan information and send me Pilates information instead.  Who knows?  It may delay the need for the funeral package. I'm getting down from my soap box now, because I know, life is good.